Now that 2012 has arrived, we started thinking about our New Year’s Resolutions. After going through the long, long list of our own broken resolutions from New Year’s past, we decided it would be more productive to help Rob come up with a few things he should consider for his 2012 resolutions.
Honestly Rob, we have some great New Year’s Resolutions for you…
1. Get Fit - Work Out With Kellan
Yes Rob, please go to the gym! We got a peek at those back muscles during those Breaking Dawn thrusting scenes and we are hungry for more. And now that you seem to be spending more time in LA, maybe you and Kellan could start working out together. Have you seen Kellan’s Calvin Klein underwear ad? Check it out http://bit.ly/u6hlpL . Maybe if you work really hard in 2012, you’ll have your very own underwear spread in 2013. Calvin Klein, Armani, Joe Boxer, Hanes, Fruit of a Loom… honestly Rob, we don’t care whose underwear you’re in, as long as we can see you in them.
2. Eating Healthier – Limit Beer and Burgers to Twice Week
Yes, Rob you probably should start eating healthier but we know man cannot live on fruits and veggies alone. We’re willing to give you a couple cheat days each week to drink all the Heineken and eat all the In-N-Out burgers you want.
3. Stop Smoking – No, Don’t Do That
Sorry Rob, we know this habit isn’t good for you, but we just can’t let you quit. Watching you smoke is just way too sexy. You give a whole new meaning to the term, “smokin’ hot”. And besides, if you quit, it totally crushes Bostongirl’s dream of randomly running into you in a bar, and the two of you stepping outside together for a smoke and friendly, casual conversation. You can’t kill a girl’s dreams, Rob.
4. Learn Something New - Pick Up a New Hobby
Rob, it’s important to learn new things. You know what they say, “knowledge is power”. To help you get started, we have a great book series you should read, a “how to guide” if you will. The first one is called “Fifty Shades of Grey”. They’re great books that can help you become the Master of your own Universe by teaching you how to have more control in your life. It advises on the finer points of how to decorate a room in your home, the art of tying knots and ways to use riding crops in uncommon ways. So much to learn, so little time!
5. Visit a New Destination - Stop By Sometime
You travel an awful lot already but we were thinking you should visit a few places you have never been before like The Hobo Museum in Britt,Iowa, or the Museum o fBeer and Brewing in Wisconsin. Or even better yet, why not take a trip to visit each of us? Bostongirl is a great cook. She’ll make you a great homemade Italian meal. I can’t cook but I do have plenty of Heineken and Hot Pockets, and there is an In-N-Out a few blocks away. I’m sure you’ll find both of us to be most accommodating hosts. You can even bring your “Fifty Shades of Grey” books so we give you hands on help with Resolution #4 during your visit.
6. Get Organized - Do Some Laundry
Maybe it’s time to get your stuff out of storage. You probably should launder those boxes full of dirty clothes that you have been moving from hotel to hotel over the last three years. Maybe even pull out that old Stoli shirt, or even the NEW Stoli shirt, the one Peter Facinelli confirmed you received. You could even wear it around town once or twice, just for old time’s sake… Or just long enough for us to get a peek at you looking super sexy in it. Fun times, huh?
7. Try a New Hair Style – We Want Sex Hair!
Or just go back to an old one. Like… uh… hmmm? Let’s think about this for a moment. What kind of hair style should you have? Hmm…. Oh, I got it! The Sex Hair! You should definitely go back to the sex hair. What a great way to start 2012. Shave off the animal living on your face and grow out that sex hair. Sounds like a great idea to us!
8. Take Up an Instrument – Play Your Own Trumpet
As you said before, you “like to play my own trumpet to keep up sexual tension…” We’d really like you to elaborate on this in 2012. Practice makes perfect.
9. Conquer a Fear – Open a Twitter Account
Everyone is afraid of something but Twitter is nothing to fear. It’s simply 140 characters of sharing among friends. And don’t worry; Twitter is very easy to use. Just click the follow buttons under @Krystih and @Bostongirl1212. We’ll follow you too, then you can DM (Direct Message) us anytime you want. Can’t wait to tweet you, Rob!
10. Be More Charitable – PLEASE!?
Since you now have an extra $25,000 from E! for being voted their Celebrity of the Year, this one should be easy. But what about some other ways you can give back? We think it would be very charitable of you to shave off that beard and donate it to Locks of Love. Or, maybe you can shave it and sell it on eBay and donate the money to a good cause. Or, just shave it off and… honestly, Rob we don’t care what you do with it, just shave it off already. It’s a crime against humanity to hide that jaw.
Rob, we hope this list will help you make resolutions that you can stick to during 2012. If at any point, you feel like you’re going to break one, just give us a call… or send us a tweet… and we’ll be more than willing to help you get back on track. We’ll be here, your own little Devoted support team, through the entire year.
Honestly Rob, we wish you a Safe and Happy New and look forward to spending an amazing 2012 with you.
The Devoted Duo
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