Since the words, “’I'm playing one of those masters-of-the-universe types…” left Rob’s mouth during an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Bostongirl and I have been anxiously awaiting something, anything to come out about Cosmopolis. Then, finally last week, the trailer arrived. But honestly Rob, it wasn’t at all what we expected.
I think Bostongirl and I were both in a state of shock. We watched the trailer on a continuous loop for nearly half an hour just trying to make sure we really saw what we thought we just saw. Of course, as usual, we were attached at the bluetooth while we were watching this and I swear the entire conversation was filled with nothing but gasps and a slew of…
“Did she just… Was he really… Did you see… Did he just… Was that a… Oh my god was he… Did he really…Whoa…!”
After our extended repeat viewing, we still didn’t have the answers to any of our questions. We needed more. We needed screen caps and gifs. Patiently, we waited for them to hit internet. Ok, that’s a lie. We’re never patient when Rob’s involved.
When they finally arrived and we had the entire trailer spread out before us, in a lovely arrangement of Eric Packer snippets, broken down frame by frame, we could really inspect, dissect, and get a true picture of what was before us. But even with thousands of still frames confirming what we were seeing, we were still sort of in a state of denial. Each still frame was even more outrageous than the last.
There were gunshouts, and limo sex, and urinating, and rats, OH MY!
This, this is good! Shirtless Rob is always a win.
Bostongirl: I think I need a wider screen shot of this… and moved down… a little… to the right, just sayin’.
Krysti: Wider? Why? Oh… OH!! Yes, down and to the right. Yep, that would be a nice angle.
But then things started to get crazy. There was a bar, a gunshot through the hand, some crazy limo sex and then this… what the hell is this?
Bostongirl: Well, THERE’s something I never thought I’d see Rob doing.
Krysti: There are a lot of things I’ve imagined him doing with that in his hand, peeing in a limo isn’t one of them.
Bostongirl: I wonder if he peed on the floor of the limo before or after they had sex in it.
This wasn’t in the trailer but I had to put this in because this makes me see that he definitely is “… playing one of those masters-of-the-universe types”.
Bostongirl: When I look at this, I can totally see Fifty and Mrs Robinson.
Krysti: Oh yeah, Fifty with the crisp white dress shirt, those smoldering eyes and that naughty smirk… wait, did you say Mrs. Robinson? Oh, I didn’t even notice there was a woman in this picture. I have a Rob track mind.
Krysti: There are two things in this world that truly scare me, rats and Rob getting a bad haircut. This scene was the cause of my real life nightmare… The Comic Con Hair Debacle of 2011.
Bostongirl: I know this movie’s not supposed to be a tear-jerker but I think I better bring box of tissues. This scene alone is going to have Krysti in tears.
Krysti: I think you’re right. Just seeing this picture is making me want to cry.
And if all of that doesn’t entice you to see this movie, this definitely should. What better way to get people to the theater than to put Rob’s beautiful face on the movie poster. Lookin’ good, Mr. Pattinson! Lookin’ very good!
Honestly Rob, we can’t wait to see this movie. We’re sure it’s going to be very sexy, totally outrageous and even a little scary but don’t worry, not even rats and bad haircuts could keep us away. We’d never miss one of your movies. Just like always, we’ll be first in line on opening night. We fell madly in love with Edward, you’re the ONLY Jacob we could ever adore, and we can’t wait to hop in a limo and take this crazy ride with Eric.
The Devoted Duo
*All photos courtesy of www.cosmopolisfilm.com!
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